I recently saw a post about “if you could go back and tell your 20 year old self anything, what would it be?” I didn’t get to follow up on the post, but it made me start to think ‘what would tell myself?’ The more I thought about it, I wouldn’t tell myself anything.
Do I have things in my life I wish hadn’t happened? Absolutely! Are there things that hurt really bad that could have been avoided? Of Course. Are there decisions I made that made an impact on my path in life? You bet! But would I really tell myself not to make those choices? No! Why not? Because walking away from that theatre program put me in a position in life to be ready for a serious relationship, and yes, marriage and a family. Because choosing to get involved with a certain guy opened my heart to potentially being a step mom. Choosing my husband (even with the outcome) gave me the opportunity to adopt my son, of whom I can’t imagine not having in my life. Going through the cancer journey with my husband is what increased my faith in ways I never could’ve imagined (and would not have experienced otherwise). Guys I’ve dated have taught me even more about who I am. Hurts I’ve endured have made me stronger and more confident in who I have become.
Life is about choices, life is about the hills and valleys, the joys and sorrows, it’s about the people you meet along the way, but most importantly it’s about the life God has given each of us and the decision to choose to follow Him or not. It is in these moments when I’m hurting and asking God why He allowed things to happen that I must remember that I have already come so far, I have endured losing a husband and I am living life to the fullest as a single mom. Because of the loss I have experienced, I love harder, laugh bigger, cry unashamedly, I’m often stubborn about doing things on my own, but also not afraid to ask for help when I get overwhelmed… so no, I would not go back and tell myself anything, everything happens for a reason & I’m just going to continue to let life happen, take those things… beast through the trials and joys, and kill this thing called widowhood.