Black Widow Blogs


Sad Kid
This woman made a post on her personal FB page stating that she was tired of people disappointing her child. Now, normally we save that sort of thing for our widow support groups where we can freely talk about things with people who truly understand. She was brave enough to just come out and say it. 

I am the Ghost

Silhouette in forest
That was even more difficult than the loss of my first love. He saw how much positivity, love, loyalty, and happiness I possessed and he made it his mission to leave me completely empty, void of any happiness, void of self worth, and left me with scars that keep me hiding in my isolation. I’ll never know why I deserved these things to happen. I feel as though when I reflect on who I used to be, memories seem familiar, but it’s as if I’m watching someone else’s memories. I isolate because it’s my safe place. 

I’m Glad I had To Let It Go!


This is a letter to a guy, who is a widow. He lost his wife most tragically. He watched her get murdered.

Dear Sir,

You know my story too. You know that my husband may or may not have killed himself.  My logical brain doesn’t allow me to think he did base on how his body was found. I wasn’t there, and my biggest regret for you as a widow is that you were there when she died. 

The Controversy of Posthumously Conceived Babies

sleeping baby
Every so often I get wind of a story like mine, “Young Widow Conceives Dead Husband’s Baby” or something to that nature. I just talked to a young lady from Australia who won her court case that took 22 months. She is now able to use her partner’s specimen to make a baby with the blessing of both of their families, and a judge who deemed her stable enough to conceive. Her news article is now circulating throughout the Facebook groups such as Word Porn, and others I am sure...

What Now? Who am I?

 I knew immediately that if I let myself sink down into the depression that was calling my name, I may not make it back out. I asked myself how I could lose my whole identity. I can barely remember what dreams I had, what I wanted to be, all the places I had once dreamed of going. 

Letting Go 2.0

Butterfly being let go
Some days it feels like yesterday while other days it seems like it’s been an entire lifetime since I’ve seen you.

Dating Hope

Photo of the word HOPE
That’s where I started. I got a message in the first 30 minutes of creating my profile. My first date was set. He was a teacher. Older, good sense of humor and harmless. We met for coffee on a Tuesday evening. He was easy to talk to. We chatted about work, kids, hobbies and dating. He was very kind when we talked about me being...

Somebody to Love

woman walking on the beach
The downfall to that glimpse is that sometimes loneliness and impatience really sets in. I love my family & friends, and I have the best support system a girl could ask for, I just wish I had someone to romantically share that with. 

We Remember

Flag in glass
I’m not a gold star widow. Let’s be clear about that right up front. I’m the second wife of a man who once was a boy who went to war. I’m the widow of a man that only partly came home from war. A troubled man, who fought the demons in his head for most of his life. He fought until his body and mind wore out, and the darkness engulfed him like peace, and he sighed, and let go of my hand. He felt unworthy of love. And I loved him. For all of it. For all he was. I always will.

“Wow, You Ripped into Him like a Monkey into a Cupcake”

Monkey eating cake
Don’t get me wrong, us widows can have a morbid sense of humor…  we have a lot of dark humor. Is that a double standard? Maybe… but you know what we don’t typically do? We don’t just say it to anyone, especially someone we are trying to date. We say our morbid stuff to each other, because it’s a rite of passage you get when you become a widow.

Depression or sad?

Those who have lost a loved one due to natural causes may not understand all the complexities of a loss from a murder.

Murder has its own deeper level of denial and shock. The event is unbelievable, unexpected, tragic and a crime, all at once.

You may feel anger longer and deeper than from other deaths. Find constructive ways to let your anger out. And give yourself lots of permission to be angry. A horrible injustice has been done to your loved one, family, friends and the world

The Dating Dreamer Widow

Black hole in space
I don’t even know who I am anymore, doing things I never thought I would do. Some things for the good, some for the bad, and some just different. Will I ever fully get the dreamer in me back? I don’t know, I guess we will all just have to stay tuned… I’m curious to see how this turns out…